Non-Neutrality: A Personal Testimony [Pt. 4]


[Read Pts. 1, 2, & 3]

Substance Abuse

At that time, alcohol and drugs and meaningless sexual encounters helped me forget, at least for a moment or two, that nothing mattered. But with the growth of Ayden, I found myself caught between two opposed realities yet again. One the one hand, I desired to live an exemplary life for my child’s sake; yet, on the other hand, I was an atheist and understood that every social reality is ultimately the product of the blind forces of nature and was meaningless. So I did what most upstanding citizens do – I binge drank on the weekends, at night, when my kid couldn’t see what I was really like. I played the hypocrite.

But this only lasted for a short amount of time. Logically, there was nothing keeping me from doing what I wanted but my own arbitrarily imposed moral standards. So I revised my moral standards, got involved with a fellow reprobate philosopher I had met while attending the local college in Idaho, and graduated to abusing harder drugs.

I went from consuming whiskey, malt liquor, nicotine, and marijuana in excessive amounts to snorting narcotics and amphetamines together with them. With my alcoholism, nicotine addiction, and a growing insatiable desire for prescription speedballs – I grew more and more homesick and decided to move back to New York, by myself.

The reprobate philosopher friend encouraged me to follow my desires to fornicate, abused my body, forsake my wife and child, and continue to live in opposition to Christianity. Having been raised in a Christian household, the reprobate philosopher’s disdain for Christians and their beliefs only differed from mine as regarded his explicitly contemptuous attitude and actions toward “those _______ idiots.” He said what I thought, giving me an external source of justification for further turning my back on the God who sustained my life, and the wife and son who did nothing to deserve my abandoning them.

So I gagged my conscience with Wild Turkey whiskey and weed, bought a ticket to NYC, and head back east unshowered, unshaven, disheveled and hungover.

[Continued in Pt. 5]

7 thoughts on “Non-Neutrality: A Personal Testimony [Pt. 4]

  1. Involved says:

    You think God lend you those teachings? Didn’t you achieved them just because of your expierence, your concious knowledge, and your capacity to say “stop to the stupidity in my life”? I believe that atheist people can also reach that kind of point, the only difference is that they are not christian.
    I believe you can understand what I said, no God involved in that process, (at least, I can’t feel it)
    I still don’t really follow the logic of religious points of view, why are they needed, i don’t really see it.
    I believe in morals and so on, basically: take YOUR time in thinking what you do, can do and you want in your life, just the way you don’t hurt people, and if you help someone, much better.
    Where is the inherently good thing about religion, in this case, in christianity?
    I’m not against it, anyway


    • Hiram says:

      Hey, if I’m understanding you correctly here’s my response.

      I’m not yet at the end of my testimony :)

      My next article (Pt. 5) will discuss how I gave up cocaine cold turkey, went back to my wife and kid, got a steady job.

      I don’t think a person is unable to do those things without being thankful for him giving them the ability to do them. But can they do it without him? No.

      God enables some people to quit living terrible lives, but that isn’t the same thing as enabling some people to repent of their sin and trust in Christ’s sacrifice for their sins.

      God alone can enable a person to believe that his sins are punishable by eternal damnation. God alone can enable a person to believe that Christ Jesus alone paid the penalty of hell for them on the cross so that sinners could be reconciled to God.

      Being saved from a life of debauchery and general nastiness isn’t the same thing as being saved from the wrath of God.



involve yourself

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