Two Probable Causes of My Cat’s Insanity: Satire or Next Greatest Scientific Theory?

Image[I’ve been in school for about a month now, and it has been busy for me. I’ve enjoyed every minute of it, but it has also been taxing on me, as so many uncritically accept the philosophical dogma of evolution. What follows is my response to a question in my science class. I was going to submit this for credit, but my wife cautioned me against such behavior. lol. Hope you enjoy. See you soon :)]

As a cat owner, I have repeatedly observed something very strange about my cat Cookie. Late at night, Cookie begins to yowl and run frantically throughout my house. His pupils become dilated, and he darts up and down the stairs, crouches behind various objects and then leaps forward to scratch and bite some object. This behavior typically begins at midnight, but occasionally Cookie begins his routine at about 1 or 1:30 am.

Seeing as there are no other cats in our neighborhood, and he is my only cat, there are no perceivable physical threats to his life. Additionally, I am usually the only person awake when Cookie begins his nightly routine, and I am in another room reading or writing rather quietly, so there are no other perceivable provocations to such behavior. Whatever is provoking Cookie to behave in such a manner, therefore, must be internal and not external. Moreover, given the fact that domesticated cats are the descendants of wild cats, there is reason to believe that his behavior is due to either (a.)hallucinations constructed from the residual collected memories of cats prior to Cookie, or (b.)Cookie’s utilization of his imagination in playing, which happens to externally resemble the activity of a wild cat avoiding predators, and attacking and killing prey.

To test hypothesis (a.), I will observe, compare, and contrast Cookie’s behavior with the behavior of paranoid schizophrenics in an asylum. To test hypothesis (b.), I will observe, compare, and contrast Cookie’s behavior with that of a wild cat (e.g. tiger, lion, panther, puma, etc) hiding from predators, and attacking and killing its prey.

If hypothesis (a.) is correct, then the schizophrenics will all share similar temporal stimulants provoking defensive, self-preservative behavior. Subjects will exhibit a general dissociation from reality, accompanied by frantic speaking, yelling, walking, running, or other physical activity.

If hypothesis (b.) is correct, then the feline subject will exhibit identical behavior when preserving its life or hunting. The feline subject will exhibit consistent and predictable patterns of behavior stimulated by objects at roughly the same distance from it, as Cookie’s objects of attack stand in relation to him when he performs his nightly routine.

Initially, both hypotheses seem equally plausible. Hypothesis (a.), however, seems to be the more likely explanation for the following reasons. Firstly, given the evolutionary history of cats it is more reasonable to suppose that there exists in the mind of Cookie a conflict between the residual ideas and corresponding behaviors of his evolutionary predecessors, and those arising from his own domesticated feline mind. Hypothesis (b.)is less likely, as it does not account for the evolutionary history of cats (from wild to domesticated) and, in fact, undermines it by yielding results that would make the actions of a wild cat identical to the actions of a domesticated cat. Moreover, the different data yielded by wild cats hiding from other predators and hunting prey is too vast, given the large variety of their possible predators and prey. Using Occam’s Razor, we must then reject hypothesis (b.) as it would involve the postulation of a series of cumbersome explanations regarding (1.)the identity of the wild cat whose self-preservative and predatorial behaviors would be identical to Cookie the domesticated cat, (2.)the equivalent behaviors of wild and domesticated cats, and (3.)why such an equivalence would not contradict the fact of feline evolution.

-h.

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